


Make the mail stop.

by nurseygirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), WWE
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 06:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14038503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nurseygirl/pseuds/nurseygirl
Summary: “I’ve been receiving all your freaking mail since you moved out and you keep getting weird gifts from your brother make it stop”





	Make the mail stop.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a few months ago and just came across it on my laptop. Hasn't been Betaed, but if anyone is willing to be one for me let me know. Ran through spell check and grammar check but only the basics.

Title: Make the mail stop.  
Prompt #1 : “I’ve been receiving all your freaking mail since you moved out and you keep getting weird gifts from your brother make it stop”  
Fandom: Buffy/WWE A/U for both.  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the idea behind this fic, that goes to mewlink on Tumbler. 

 

“Oh come on!” he muttered with an aggravated sigh as he walking up the steps to his front door. 

He looked at the all too familiar decorated box that was about a foot high and six inches wide. If it wasn't for the long-familiar label 'From your loving brother' in bright neon green letters that donned the box, and the fact that he lived with his brother, he would think the package was for him. 

Six months ago he and his brother had moved into the nice little three bedroom house, it wasn't long after that they started acquiring packages for the houses, previous owners. Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg, 

They had written on the previous parcels that the owners no longer lived there but they still received them almost every week. 

Their best-friends thought it was funny as hell, their friends even opened a few out of curiosity, even with him shouting at them that it was a Federal offense. 

“Another one?” a voice spoke up from behind him. 

He turned to look at the newcomer. His brother was home from working the local grocery store where he was a sales clerk. 

“Rough day at work? Matt don't take this the wrong way but you look like what comes out of the business end of Jenga,” he asked his older brother. 

Jenga a Tricolor Armant dog that they rescued from the animal shelter in North Carolina, just before moving to California. 

“I feel like it to. I had one customer today that demanded I give her my employee discount just cause she thinks she was cute. A real blonde that one, her redheaded friend finally got her to go wait in the car.” he said as they walked into the house. 

“Was she cute though?” 

“She was alright, she seemed more Adams type than mine. You know, Jeff, you would think that these Buffy and Willow girls would have informed their brother of their move. I mean it's ridiculous that we keep getting their crap.” Matt said motioning toward the pile of gifts in the corner of the room that belongs to the two girls that used to live there. 

Jeff looked at the pile and snickered. 

“Well, I wouldn't give you my new address either if you sent me that kind of stuff. I mean the boy sent his sisters blow-up dolls for goodness sake.” 

Matt tilted his head to the side and took in the two fully atomically male blow-up dolls that Matt's girlfriend Lita had gleefully aired up after Adam had opened the boxes. 

Luckily the only people that ever showed up at their house were their friends so they didn't have to explain what they were doing with a pile of adult toys in their living-room. 

“What kind of brother sends his sisters' sex toys?” Matt wondered aloud. 

“The kind that wants to be an uncle?” Jeff guessed with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“Something tells me that they wouldn't let him anywhere near their children.” the older brother retorted.  
)))))

Jeff was at the bakery, working, he liked to design the cakes. He was currently working on a cake for a couple named Joyce and Ira's anniversary. 

He had to admit that it was a pretty strange cake since under the normal 'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.' he had to put the phrase, 'You made us sisters it's all your own fault. Haha' he wasn't entirely sure what that meant but he felt kind of bad for Joyce and Ira. The graphic was a classic one, the parents wedding photo. From the clues he had, he guessed it was a recently blended family. 

As he was closing the lid on the box of the couples cake the bell above the door dinged signaling he had a customer. 

“I will be right with you,” he called out to them. 

Brushing his hands on an old towel he walked from the decoration station and into the customer area. Looking into the cake display was a redhead woman dressed in a long skirt and a funky splatter paint t-shirt. 

“Hello. How can I help you today?” he asked. 

She looked up from the display case and he was drawn into how green her eyes were. 

“Oh, um, hello sorry I didn't see you there. These cakes are amazing. The cake decorator should get a raise I haven't seen cakes this well made except on TV. I really like the mystical one with the unicorns and fairy’s and you're really cute. I said that last part out loud, didn't I?” she gushed as she covered her face in embarrassment. 

Jeff let out a laugh, “If it makes you feel better I was just thinking the same thing about you.” he told her. 

Her blush spread down her face and under the collar of her shirt. 

“I'm here to pick up an order. My younger sister placed it, Dawn Summers,” she said swiping her hair behind her ear. 

“Ira and Joyce? Ah, yes I just got done with their cake. Your mom is pretty, you must take after her.” he said before he could stop himself. 

She laughed, “I doubt you saw my mom, the picture is my dad and my stepmother.”

Jeff nodded his head and walked to the back to get the cake. 

“Uh, your sister didn't buy the cake yet. So, that will be $25.78 please,” he said ringing up the order. 

She handed him a credit card and he stopped and stared at the name. Willow Rosenberg. Holy mother of.. there was no way she was the same Willow Rosenberg from the packages was there? 

“Can I ask you a question and please don't think I am some crazy stalker.” he blurted out after he swiped the card and handed it back to her along with the receipt. 

Willow looked at him a little apprehensive which he totally understood. He noticed her hand went into her bag once more and he really hoped he wasn't about to get pepper sprayed. Though if given the options of being shot or pepper sprayed he would go with the latter. 

“Uh, okay?” she said as the muscles in her arms tightened up and she apparently grabbed whatever it was in her bag. 

He slowly backed away so hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad if she maced him, his hands in the air. 

“You wouldn't happen to used to live at 7645 Oxford Court, would you?” he asked. 

Willow tilted her head a little and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Why do you want to know?” she questioned. 

“Well, you see if it is you. I’ve been receiving all your freaking mail since you moved out and you keep getting weird gifts from your brother make it stop, please,” he begged. 

“How do you know what's in the boxes?” 

“My friends opened a few of the packages cause they are as nosey as a gossip queen,” he told her. 

“You know that's a Federal offense right?” she asked raising her eyebrow at him.

“I told them that, they don't listen, they are morons, feel free to press charges, just don't have my brothers girlfriend Lita arrested cause then I would have to deal with a cranky big brother. So, are you the same Willow or are there two Willow Rosenberg’s, and if so do you know where I can find her to give her the packages. It's hella awkward to look at two male blow-up dolls in my living-room every day.” he rambled. 

 

He saw her face go from quizzical to shocked to embarrassed all in a fraction of a second. 

“Oh please tell me you are joking? Please tell me that my brother didn't really send a blow-up doll, let alone two of them.” she moaned in mortification covering her face with her hands. 

“Wish I was joking. So far there are the dolls, a bunch of DVDs, and some outfits. All of them sexual in some way. For real what is your brother on if he is sending that kind of stuff to his own sisters?” Jeff wondered not for the first time what kind of relationship the girls had with their brother. 

“He isn't really our brother. Just our best friend we call our brother. He likes to pulls pranks, and they have become increasingly worse since he started dating this girl that is just a big old Nympho. And oh god you really didn't need to hear all of that.” she said slowly shaking her head. “Can I have my cake so I can go die of embarrassment in my car?” 

Jeff chuckled, “You can have the cake if you promise not go out to your car and die, otherwise your family won't get to see my awesome cake decoration skills.” 

She gave him a sheepish smile as she took the cake and headed for the door. 

“Wait! Are you going to come get your packages? I get off in an hour if you want to meet up at the house and grab them.” he called out to her. He really hoped she would so he could see her again. 

She looked back at him and gone was the look of embarrassment, she now had the look of pure mischief. 

“Bring them to the park tomorrow at 2.” 

“I have a motorcycle I can't carry all of them on it. Can I get some friends to help me?” 

“Sure the more the merrier.” she chirped at him before leaving 

::::

The next day Jeff, Matt, Lita, Adam, and Christian all loaded the packages into three separate cars. Lita was cackling the whole time as Adam and Christian complained about being the ones to carry the dolls. Sure they could have easily deflated them but it was a lot more fun this way plus Lita super-glued the plug so the only way to deflate it would be to pop it. 

“Well you are the ones with the biggest car and besides, you are the ones that opened them so it's only fair that you carry them,” Jeff said with a shrug as he climbed on his bike and they all headed toward the town park. 

As Matt and Adam looked for parking spaces Jeff looked around for the redhead from his bakery. He saw a group of adults and one teenage girl gathered under the gazebo. There were decorations blowing in the wind. If the fact that he spotted the couple from the cake didn't tell him he in the right place, then the giant 'Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad' did. 

He walked up to the gazebo, wondering if Willow had informed her family of who he was and why he was there. Hopefully, they didn't think he was some strange man intruding on their gathering. Maybe he could play it off as he wanted to look at the awesome looking cake that was on the table. So if the cake was there that meant Willow was here as well right? 

“You're Jeff, right?” the younger blonde said as she spotted him. 

“Uh, hello. Are you Buffy or Dawn or the brothers Nympho girlfriend?” he asked. 

A snort from the man he knew as Ira drew his attention as the blond tried to look offended. The teenage girl was eying him with interest. 

“Luckily the brother and his nympho girlfriend haven't arrived yet, or you would be in a lot of trouble for that one. Best not to tell Xander how Willow really feels about Anya. I am Ira, this is my wife Joyce and our daughters, Dawn and Buffy.” Ira said sticking his hand out a good natural smile on his face. 

Jeff shook his hand and a shout of 'Aw, crap it's you!' was heard from behind him. He closed his eyes tightly and wondered how his own brother was now going to get them kicked out of the small party before Jeff even got to see Willow again. 

“Ugh, it's you.” Buffy retorted. 

“Wait, what I am confused. I thought Willow was the one that knew the 'Hottie Cake Designer'. Who is this guy?” Dawn asked as she motioned toward Matt. 

“Hottie cake designer? Did she really call him that?” Lita wanted to know totally ignoring the glaring contest between her boyfriend and the blonde girl. 

Dawn answered with an enthusiastic nod of the head. Lita turned to look at Jeff with a raised eyebrow, but it was Adam and Christian that had him shaking his head. 

“Willow thinks you're hot?” 

“Ah, yeah, boy get it,” Adam said shoving his shoulder making Jeff stumbling into someone. 

“Sorry, my friends are.” he started. 

“Lawbreaking morons, if I remember correctly.” came the soft reply. 

Jeff turned to look at Willow giving him a smile, before narrowing her eyes at his friends. 

“Hey, I remember you,” Willow said pointing at Matt.

“Buffy stop glaring at the clerk, just because he didn't give you the discount that you thought you deserved when you hit on him at the store.” the redhead said with a roll of her eyes as she turned to put the box that was in her hands on the table. 

“Wait, that is 'Little Miss thinks she's hot?' Dude, you totally should have given her the discount.” Adam said as he eyed Buffy up and down. 

 

“It's against the rules, and plus please don't take this the wrong way Buffy, but I didn't find her hot.” 

“Well of course not, because if you did Lita would have yanked off certain parts of you and turned them into dog toys for Jenga,” Christian commented. 

Willow was watching the interaction and giggled when she saw the mortified look on Jeff’s face as he covered his face. 

“Hey, did you guys bring the boxes?” she asked Jeff. 

He nodded and pointed toward the cars. She smiled and grabbed his arm. 

“Good, cause my brother just pulled in and it's time for some revenge. Would you mind helping me?” 

Jeff gave a shrug as he followed her toward the parking lot and looked at her bewildered as she ducked behind a large truck. He couldn't figure out why she was ducking down when the truck bed was taller than her, seriously her head was about five inches lower than the top of the bed. 

“Uh, Whoa!” he yelled as he was yanked down by his shirt. 

Willow was peaking under the truck. This girl was an odd person but he really liked it. She was fun. 

“Come on,” she whispered as they slinked behind the truck and weaved through more of the parked cars. 

He started to hum the 'Mission impossible' theme song, cause honestly, he was having a blast. 

“Hey,” he whispered to her as she unlocked the doors on a car. 

She reached in and grabbed a bag from the back drivers' side floorboard. 

“Yes?” she asked closing the door and moving toward the back of the car and trailing behind the rest of the vehicles on that row before she came to a stop and looked around. “We need the boxes that you guys brought, where are they?” 

“This way,” he said as he continued on their little spy adventure making their way through the parking area toward Matt's and Adams cars. 

They gathered as many boxes as they could before making their way over toward what Jeff assumed was her brothers' car. 

Jeff had to keep his laughter in as he saw Willow take out the covers on the DVDs and start super gluing them to the car. Oh crap her brother was going to be so mad. 

“Please tell me your brother isn't like the murdering kind? Cause this seems a bit harsh. I mean yeah he sent sex things to his sisters, but plastering it all over his car and ruining the paint job.” 

“Couple of things, Xander is like a puppy. He wouldn't hurt any of his sisters no matter how mad we make me. Plus don't worry he has been saying for a few months he needs a new paint job on his car so I am just giving him the extra push he needs to get it done. Also, I told you he likes pranks right. Plus this way they can use the things that they paid for. Hand me one of those.” she pointed at the box next to him. 

He really hoped she was right, cause otherwise the fact that she just glued a large gag ball to her brothers' mirror was going to result in an interesting family gathering. 

“What where you going to say earlier?” she asked as she placed an unwrapped condom on the antenna before she glued it in place. 

 

As they walked back toward the gazebo he turned to her. 

“I was just going to ask you something but I think now I will just declare it. This is the oddest funniest first date I have ever been on. What are we going to do for our second date?” 

Willow turned to look at him, walking backward. 

“Pretty sure that it is your turn to plan the date,” she said with a smile. 

\------------


End file.
